Recovery
by Squirrel-ducky
Summary: Post-Season 6 Ep 'Abyss'. After Jack escapes from the torture chambers of Ba'al, he is deeply traumatised by his experiences and turns to the one person who knows him better than anyone else.
1. Chapter 1

Jack lay in the infirmary, weak, half-asleep, but alive. Happier than he had been in far too long, in the knowledge that he was safe now.

"Do you need anything, sir?" Carter's voice. Carter was here. He smiled.

"Nah," he mumbled sleepily. "You go get some sleep."

"Okay, sir." She smiled softly at him, briefly laying a hand on his shoulder as he closed his eyes, preparing for rest. Carter turned to leave, but Jack's eyes suddenly flew open and he instinctively grabbed her hand. She spun around, face full of concern.

"Sir?!" His face was suddenly drawn, panicked, his eyes full of fear. It was a moment before he could speak; his throat was dry. He swallowed, hard.

"When I closed my eyes, all I could see was—the pain was—I was so close—" Carter cut him off, unable to bear the sight of his eyes darting from side to side, starting to brim with tears.

"Sir, it's okay—" Jack cleared his throat before she could finish, trying desperately to look slightly more authoritative.

"Actually, Carter," he began, forcing the tremor out of his voice, "I'd really appreciate it if you could stay a while. I don't think, uh… don't think I'll be able to sleep for a while." Although he'd managed a faint grin and a little of his usual levity, Carter knew him too well to be fooled by it; she could hear the note of pleading in his voice – knew that he was afraid.

"Of course, sir," she said, sitting down tentatively on the edge of the bed and giving the hand still grasping hers a gentle squeeze. Jack visibly relaxed when he saw that she was staying. Aside from the fact that he had missed her, and the rest of the team, terribly while he had been… away, he was genuinely scared of what he might dream. He had lived through it once, barely; and knew he could not do so again. He vaguely waved away her offer to ask Dr Fraiser to administer him a sedative; he wanted to put off the inevitable nightmares for as long as humanly possible.

"So, Carter," he began in an attempt at small talk. "What's been going on around here? Fill me in on all the juicy goss." Carter raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"The 'juicy goss', sir?"

"Yeah. Isn't that what you kids are calling it these days?" He grimaced slightly as he shifted position. Carter grinned.

"Whatever you say, sir. The truth is, nothing much out of the ordinary has been happening. General Hammond wanted to call off the search for you—" Jack's grip on her hand tightened slightly.

"What? That old bastard. I thought what we had was special." She knew that he was only half-joking.

"He didn't want to, sir, but it had been so long and we had no way of finding you—"

"But you did find me, Carter." She looked up to meet his eyes, full of warmth. "Thank you."

"I couldn't have done it without Jonas and Teal'c, sir. Very much a team effort." When he didn't look like he was going to say anything else, she cleared her throat apprehensively and continued. "Look, sir, I can't even begin to imagine what you went through out there—" A shiver of pain crossed his features. "—but, if you ever need to talk about anything, you know that I'm always here for you." He smiled warmly at her and looked for a moment as though he might cry. But then it passed; when he spoke again, his voice was soft and low.

"I know, Carter. You've always been there for me. Without you, I—" he broke off, dropping his eyes from hers and turning his head to look away. _Let's just pretend I didn't say that_ , he thought, knowing it was futile. He tried to pull his hand away to cover his blunder, but she gripped it tightly. He looked back to her, at her piercing gaze and gentleness. She had settled herself more comfortably on the bed now, rather than just perching on the edge. She was in this for the long haul.

"You what, sir?" Her voice was tender, and for an instant he knew that he had to tell her. But then the moment passed, and he once again knew he could not. He sighed.

"Nothing, Carter. It doesn't matter." Carter's brow furrowed, but she didn't press the issue.

"So, how do you think Jonas is shaping up, sir?" Jack gratefully accepted her weak change of subject.

"Well, he's still a bit of a noob, but if he helped to save my ass then that's good enough for me. Has he found the balls to ask out that nurse yet?"

* * *

They talked for hours, long into the night, until Carter's eyelids were drooping and Jack barely had the strength to keep himself awake. Carter excused herself for the second time that evening, but as she stood up and stretched, Jack spoke once again.

"Carter, if I asked you to do something, not as your CO but as your friend, would you do it?" His voice was weary, tinged with nerves. He was taking a risk now. But when she responded, her voice was determined and her face resolute.

"Of course, sir. Anything."

"Could you…" He sighed. "Would you stay with me tonight? I'm just… I don't want to be alone." He knew that he was admitting defeat by giving in to his fear, and he was ashamed. Jack bowed his head, unable to meet her eyes, scared of her answer. But then he felt the springs in the mattress bend again, and hesitantly raised his gaze to find her back sitting on the narrow cot. The look on Carter's face was different to anything he'd seen on her before; she always had a guard up, even with him. Now, she had let it down and allowed him to see all at once the deep level of feeling she had for him. A fierce protectiveness; a caring warmth; and something else.

"Of course," she said softly, smiling as she retook his hand. "I'll stay as long as you need."


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: I originally intended the last chapter to be a one-shot, so this is a somewhat ham-handed segue way into a longer storyline. The next chapter will be more eloquent, I promise! Please review, I love to know what you're thinking :)_

* * *

Jack awoke violently, sitting bolt upright, trying to defend against unseen foes even as his eyes darted about trying to find them. He didn't know where he was. The sudden movement also woke Carter, dislodging her from where she had lain next to him, almost pushing her from the bed.

"Sir?!"

Jack looked to his right and saw her propped up on her elbows, face full of concern. Just the sight of her helped to calm him and bring him back to the present.

"Sorry," he said, rubbing his eyes to dislodge the unwanted memories. "I was having a nightmare."

"I gathered," she replied. "Sir, you're shaking," she said, placing a worried hand on his arm. He shook it off.

"I'm fine," he lied. Carter rolled her eyes, then checked her watch as she rose to a sitting position.

"It's 7am, sir." She offered it up almost as justification for why she was sheepishly swinging her legs over the side of the bed and moving instead to the chair beside it.

"And Dr Fraiser will be along any minute." He finished the thought for her. She self-consciously adjusted the black skivvy she was still wearing. "Carter," he said, trying to ease her mind. "It's fine. You were just... looking after a friend. We're all adults, no one's going to think anything less of you. Don't worry." Unwillingly, she raised her eyes to meet his gaze. It was clear that some internal battle was raging inside her. After a moment, she replied.

"Thank you, sir." Tentatively, against her instincts, she lifted her hand to place on the bed beside him. He grinned, taking it.

"Your anxiety becomes you, Carter," he said lightly. She smiled, but didn't respond. Lying back in wait of Dr Fraiser's arrival, Jack closed his eyes and smiled to himself. Now, at least for a short time, he had some more pleasant memories to block out the… others.

Carter had looked so tired when she had agreed to stay (he had learned that she'd barely slept since his disappearance) that he had moved over and patted the bed beside him, inviting her to lie down. When she shook her head, he pulled her by the hand, knowing that she wouldn't resist. He was right; he stretched an arm around her when she lay next to him and felt a rush of warmth spread to his fingertips as she nuzzled into his shoulder.

"Goodnight, Sam," he'd murmured into her hair, softly kissing the top of her head.

"Goodnight, Jack," she'd mumbled, and then she was out. He had lain for a while, looking at the woman in his arms with a mixture of elation and sorrow. But he was so comfortable with her next to him that it was not long before sleep claimed him as well. His dreams had started well; the old team back together, or him sweeping Carter away to some island paradise where no one gave a damn about Air Force regulations. But quickly they changed into torture, into Ba'al's laughing face and sharp drops of acid.

Now, settled back in bed, he heard Dr Fraiser's voice and held on to Carter's hand without opening his eyes as she discreetly tried to extract it.

"Morning, Doc," he said jovially. "What delights do you have in store for me today?" He saw her eyes flick surreptitiously to his entwined hand and Carter's no-doubt-blushing face. He released her hand then, knowing he would have enough explaining to do as it was.

"How are you feeling, Colonel? Did you manage to sleep?" There was a hint of accusation in her tone that did not escape him.

"A few hours," he replied, playing dumb and ignoring it completely. "Had a coupla nightmares, nothing to worry about. I was just, uh…" He knew that to absolve Carter he had to open up to the Doctor; he didn't like it, but it was the only option. "I didn't want to be alone. I was scared of what I might see when I closed my eyes… cue the nightmares." Fraiser was taken aback. It was rare to see the Colonel being serious and not kidding around, much less talking about his emotions.

"In that case, I have to tell you that I'm quite concerned about your mental wellbeing, Colonel," Fraiser began, then paused for the expected rebuttal.

"Excuse me?" My mental has never been weller!" he exclaimed indignantly. Fraiser managed a smile.

"Nonetheless," she continued patiently, "I really do think it would be good for you to talk to someone. Our on-base counsellor is very good, many of our personnel check in with her after particularly draining missions." Jack stared at her incredulously.

"I don't need a shrink," he defended, voice rising. "I'm not insane—"

"We know, sir," Carter said hurriedly, stepping in. "All Dr Fraiser's saying is that you've been through a lot recently and, especially since you're having these nightmares, talking to a professional could really help you recover. Mentally," she added, as his mouth opened to form the words, _I'm fine!_ The scowl on his face was deadly but Carter couldn't help but grin when she realised how much of a petulant child he was. But, never one to be defeated, he rallied.

"I talked to you, Carter!"

"Not about what happened, sir."

"But—" Jack paused, thinking fast. He point blank refused to see a shrink, let alone discuss his deepest fears with someone he didn't even know. He looked at Carter. "What if I did talk to you about it?"

"I don't know about that, Colonel." Fraiser began. "I know you trust her, but she isn't the most qualified for this sort of thing—"

"For crying out loud, Doc, I'm not going to talk to a damn psychiatrist. If you're gonna sideline me until I talk to _someone_ , then it's going to be Carter. Anyway, isn't it better to talk to someone who understands what it's like out there?" Carter and Fraiser shared a look. There was a question in Fraiser's eye – one that Carter knew she couldn't answer. _Is this a good idea?_

"He has a point, Janet. Plus, I really think it's the only way we'll get him to talk," Carter said quietly, unable to maintain eye contact any longer. Fraiser's lips pursed and her eyes narrowed.

"Fine. But for the record, I still think you should be seeing a professional."

"Carter is a professional," Jack stated.

"Not in clinical psychiatry, she's not."

"Well, you didn't specify." Fraiser rolled her eyes, but she was smiling now. She turned to Carter.

"Sam, are you sure you're okay with this? It can be a big responsibility."

"I'll be fine. He's right, I understand better than most what he's been through. It'll probably help – hey, it might even help us both. God knows we don't get a lot of time to reflect on this sort of thing."

"See?" Jack said, a triumphant grin on his face. "She's fine, I'm fine, it's all fine." He pulled the blanket off of himself and began to rise. "Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going back to my room so I can shower and put on real clothes and try and feel like a human again. Carter, do you want to swing by in twenty minutes for our first… session?"

"Uh… Sure, sir," Carter said, a little taken aback by this sudden bout of movement and enthusiasm. He nodded at her and waved a goodbye at the protesting Doctor, and bounded off down the corridor, still in his infirmary gown.

"Well, that was a quick turnaround," Fraiser said, eyebrows raised.

"You're telling me…" Carter replied, mirroring her expression of disbelief. Then Fraiser grew serious once again.

"Sam, is this going to be a problem?"

"No, Janet, I can handle—"

"You know that's not what I meant." She sighed, not wanting to upset her friend but knowing that protocol required it. "I saw you two this morning, on the security tapes. And after the za'tark incident…" Carter lowered her eyes, embarrassed, ashamed. But knowing she had to do it, because Jack needed her.

"It's not a problem, Janet. The za'tark thing was… a long time ago. Like he said, I was just comforting a friend." She blinked, hoping like hell her story was good enough, knowing it wasn't.

Fraiser didn't completely believe her, but she let the matter go with a warning that she would have to report it if anything like that happened again. Carter knew that Janet was just trying to protect her, but there was nothing she could do. It was far too late for that.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Now that my year's getting back underway, I'm planning to post a chapter every week! Reviews will certainly help keep me on track though ;) Please do let me know what you think and where you'd like to see this go!_

* * *

Slowly, apprehensively, Carter headed down the corridors and elevators towards Jack's quarters, stopping by the mess room to grab them both some cake. She couldn't help thinking that Fraiser was right: this definitely wasn't a good idea. Taking a deep breath, she stopped outside Jack's door, and knocked.

"Yeah?" she heard him bark.

"It's me, sir."

"Come in, Carter."

Once inside, her heart sank as she saw him sitting on his bed, head in his hands. She closed the door and walked slowly over to a chair, pulling it out to sit opposite him.

"Sir? Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"No, Carter," Jack sighed.

"You never were, were you? That was an act, back there." He nodded.

"I just needed to get out. I needed to be alone."

"Oh… I can go if you want, sir." He waved away her offer.

"No, Carter, you're different. Besides, Fraiser's probably right. I should talk about this." He raised his eyes to meet hers, then noticed the cake on the table and reached for it. She grinned slightly as she passed it to him and took the other bowl for herself. Settling back in her chair, she began to eat absentmindedly as she prepared herself for what he had to say. She had to wait, however, as he gratefully wolfed down his cake – delaying tactics, they both knew. After a few minutes, when he had finished, he wiped his mouth and tentatively looked up at her. "Where should I start?"

* * *

An hour later, Jack finally stopped speaking and hung his head. Carter could only stare at him in shock, her heart breaking as he described what Ba'al had done to him. Her cake lay unfinished on the table. It was several moments before she was able to speak, and when she could, she had no idea what to say. He looked up at her expectantly.

"Well?"

Carter blinked several times before answering.

"I… I'm sorry sir, I just—that's a lot to take in."

"You're telling me." Although Jack sounded like his usual self, his face was grave. He was still looking expectantly at her, so she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"You saw Daniel?"

"Daniel? I tell you how I was tortured for _weeks_ , and all you can think about is _Daniel?_ "

"We've got to start somewhere, sir." Jack scowled, making Carter smile.

"Fine. I… Daniel. Yes, I saw him. Well, no. Ye—I don't know! He said he was real, but… I'm still pretty damn sure I was hallucinating. Those sarcophaguses—"

"Sarcophagi," Carter corrected automatically.

" _—sarcophaguses_ really screw with your head." He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "But after a week or so, when he first appeared, I thought that was it. I'd lost it. And then the girl too… I almost gave up, then and there. I thought that, even if I did ever make it home, I'd be crazy." He sighed. "I wanted to end it. But that's the thing about those damn Goa'uld, they just don't. Let. You. _Die_." Each word was punctuated by Jack slamming his fist down on his knee. Carter jumped up instantly, sitting down beside him and putting his hand on the bed between them almost forcefully.

"Careful, sir. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Oh please, stop overreacting, Carter. I'm not gonna do anything stupid." Carter looked sceptical, but unwillingly released his hand from where she had it pinned. She was unconvinced, but knew she had to trust him. Jack took a deep breath to calm himself down, and continued quietly. "Daniel kept coming back. He told me that I had to keep going, that I would get out of there. In the end, I decided that I didn't actually give a damn if he was real or not. I knew that I had to make it, I had to get back to the SGC… to you." His voice was so soft by now that she wasn't even sure if she'd heard it or not. Before she could ask, he cleared his throat and spoke again. "I still don't know what was real and what wasn't. Who knows what Daniel can do now that he's all white and floaty?"

Carter considered her position for a moment. As much as she wanted to be his friend, right now she really needed to be his psychiatrist. His tone of voice told her that the matter was closed; but she knew that she couldn't let it rest. There was more that they needed to discuss.

"Sir, if Daniel wasn't real, why do you think you saw him?"

"Geez, Carter, I dunno. I was literally tortured and starved to death. I was a little distracted."

"No, but," Carter continued, doggedly pressing on, "do you think it was because you miss him? None of us have really had the opportunity to mourn him properly. He was your best friend, it's natural that your subconscious would turn to him when you're in trouble." Jack looked at her in surprise.

"Well, I mean, sure I miss the guy, but if I needed one person there to pep-talk me through it then God knows it wouldn't have been Daniel."

"Then who would it have been, sir?" There was a moment when they made eye contact, before he had the strength to turn away, and Carter saw in his eyes the answer to her question.

"I guess it was good to have Daniel," he mumbled, dropping his gaze. He sat there, hunched over, staring at his knees as though they could tell him the secrets of the universe. Carter, wisely deciding to not pursue the subject further, took the opportunity to more closely inspect his quarters. While they quite frequently visited each other's offices, their on-base living spaces were a little more personal. Carter had been to Daniel's, and especially Teal'c's, on many occasions, but had never seen inside her Commanding Officer's.

It was the same as every other living quarter on the base, but, unlike most people, Jack had refrained from making it feel homely. There was a photo of Charlie next to the bed; other than that, the grey walls stood bare. On the small table were scattered a number of small and fairly useless items. A couple of pens, a notepad with some inappropriate doodles on it, loose pages of mission reports, a glass of water… and, now that she saw it, a piece of paper folded in half. Only the corner was poking out from under the notepad, but it looked to Carter like the front side of a photo. Without thinking, she stood up and took a step towards the table.

"What's this, sir?" Trying to change the subject.

"Ah!" Jack exclaimed in alarm, leaping suddenly to his feet and swatting her hand away as she reached for it. She turned to him with brow-furrowed and wide-eyed confusion.

"Sir?" By which she meant, _Did that seem like an overreaction to you?_ Jack cleared his throat gruffly as what Carter might almost have termed a hint of blush rose in his cheeks.

"I mean. It's nothing. Just an old keepsake." His voice sounded strained. All through his description of his time with Ba'al, his voice had barely risen above an emotionless monotone. Carter was slightly concerned as to why this 'keepsake' would agitate him so. Wordlessly, she handed it over, confusion clearly written in the question on her face. He quickly pocketed it and cleared his throat, unable to meet her gaze. "I guess that's enough for today, Carter," he said abruptly. "Put it on my tab. See you in the mess for lunch or something." He shepherded her towards the door and out of it before she could say "Goodbye, sir."

Carter now found herself quite suddenly standing alone in the corridor. The door closed with a snap behind her. Her brow was furrowed – she thought she knew her CO well, but had absolutely no idea what had just happened. She gave his door one last confused look, and slowly headed away towards the elevator.

Inside, Jack snibbed the lock and leaned heavily against the door, eyes closed. It was unnecessary for him to be that protective, and he knew it must have come across as heavily suspicious, but he needed this one thing as his and his alone. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the photo, unfolding it.

It had been taken so long ago that he could hardly even remember where they were or why someone had decided that it was necessary to document it. There they stood, SG1, his new family, in front of a miscellaneous background of trees and mountains. They were laughing; he thought that he must have told a joke because Carter's face was upturned towards him. Their arms were all around each other's shoulders, and his was around her waist. Looking at it once more, he wondered for the umpteenth time how he'd got away with that; he had pulled her close to his side, defying anyone who would try to take her away. He smiled at the image; they had been so happy. Everything was simpler then.

Jack refolded the photo, so that it only showed himself and Carter, with their arms around each other and her looking up at him in what he desperately hoped was adoration. His eyes lingered a few moments longer. Then he forced himself to take a deep, shaky breath and replace the photo where it belonged – the inside pocket of his jacket. One hand balled into a fist and slammed against the door before he strode back out into the corridors of the SGC like everything was fine, and absolutely nothing was ruined.

Jack O'Neill – master of the poker face.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: Dialogue taken from 'Abyss' does not belong to me._**

* * *

Jack's eyes opened slowly and a grimace passed over his face. Things were still blurry – he couldn't quite work out where he was, or even if he had the correct number of limbs. For the latter, he tried to bring them in front of his face to count, but found that he couldn't move. He struggled, panicking, before realising that he was paralysed.

It was then that the room came swimming back into focus and Jack let out a heartfelt groan. He was back in Ba'al's torture chamber, suspended against the iron bars. He had no memory of leaving his cell again, but that didn't seem particularly surprising at this point. Blinking a few times to try and clear his head, he saw Ba'al standing on the other side of the room, wearing a faintly amused smile.

"Do you mind? Some of us are trying to sleep, here," Jack quipped, a little groggily.

"I am sorry to wake you, my friend," Ba'al chuckled. "I hope you are feeling well-rested; we have busy afternoon ahead of us." As he spoke, he moved once more towards the innocent-looking table; at his touch, it unfolded, revealing the selection of knives, bottles, and everything else that Jack had come to dread. There also seemed to be something rattling within it, although Jack couldn't make out what.

"You're not my friend, buddy," he replied, stronger now, hiding his fear. "That afternoon sounds great, though, what've you got, are we going fishing?" Ba'al allowed himself another grin before his face grew grave.

"You will tell me what I want to know."

"I don't know anything, you know that," Jack said, defeated.

"Maybe not consciously," Ba'al said patiently, "But you have already revealed much that you were not previously aware of. It is all a matter of… finding the right buttons."

If Jack had been capable of hanging his head, he would have done so. As it was, his eyes closed, trying to block out the world. He had already been in Ba'al's 'care' for several weeks. He was nearing the end of his tether, and much of his spirit was gone. _'The sarcophagus restores your body but destroys your mind, destroys who you are… until you're not worth reviving anymore.'_ He'd been so cocky when Daniel told him that. The infamous Jack O'Neill? Broken by some stupid snake technology? Never, not possible.

Now, there wasn't much of him left. He thought of the photo in his breast pocket; the thought of seeing Carter again was the only thing that had kept him alive so far, but even she was fading from his mind now. He forced himself to open his eyes again, to see what new horror Ba'al had instore today.

"You know, O'Neill," Ba'al began conversationally, "I've really enjoyed our time together. I—"

"Cut the crap, Ba'al," Jack cut in. "Just get it over with." Ba'al held his gaze for a moment before speaking.

"Very well. I will give you one last chance to tell me the truth. Why did you come here?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Very well." Ba'al stepped back towards his table of terrors and reached inside, bringing out a cage. Jack's eyes widened in horror and confusion.

"Is that—"

"Rats, yes. A special breed – these have been bred to crave the taste of human flesh. So I will ask again: why did you come here?"

"Rats? Are you _kidding_ me? What is this, 1984?" Jack was slightly hysterical now. All that remained of him was now devoted entirely to fear. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his pounding heart. "I don't know why I'm here. I don't kn—"

While he was speaking, Ba'al had extracted one large rat from the cage, holding it gingerly by the tail as it flailed around.

Without warning, he let it go. The experimental gravity field sucked it in and drew it straight to Jack's chest. As much as he tried, he couldn't stop himself from crying out in pain as the rat sunk its teeth into the flesh under his right shoulder.

"Jesus! Christ, arghhh…"

"The rat will eat its way through your chest and out the other side," Ba'al explained conversationally. "You can end this, O'Neill. All you have to do…"

Jack was panting, his face pale and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Among the continuous stream of whimpering, he managed to choke out,

"Daniel… please…" He whispered Daniel's name like a prayer. And what he didn't say out loud: _Just let me die._

* * *

Carter frantically shook her superior officer by the shoulder.

"Sir! Sir, can you hear me?"

Jack was writhing around on his narrow bed, his face pale and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He was having a nightmare, and it looked like a bad one.

His eyes finally flew open and they searched the room desperately, his hands clawing at his chest so urgently that he ripped the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

"No… no…" he gasped out.

"Sir, please, it's me. You're fine, everything's fine."

Jack blinked several times, then managed to blearily focus on her face.

"Carter..?"

"Yes, sir. I'm right here," she said, relieved that he had returned to himself. She helped him sit up and then brought him a glass of water and, after some rummaging, a fresh t-shirt. He removed the old one and wiped his face with the remnants of it, before pulling the new one on with an embarrassed glance at Carter. She didn't even notice; she was still far too concerned about the fact that he was still uncontrollably shaking.

"What's the matter, Carter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Well, you are white as a sheet, sir…" She cast around desperately, unsure how to help. "Is there anything you need, anything I can do?" Jack shook his head, but said,

"Just… um… why are you here?" he said uncertainly. Carter could clearly see that he was in shock from whatever he had just relived, and tried to be as gentle as she could.

"We were talking before, but it was late. You said that the nightmares had been getting worse, so asked me to stay again, remember? I've been sitting in that chair, sir, I've been right there the whole time." Her hand was rested on his leg, propping herself up. The contact felt good; it reminded him that this was real. Even when he had been out of his mind in the torture chamber, he had never been able to touch her, no matter how close she had appeared.

"Yes, of course," Jack murmured, unable to meet her gaze. He reached a hand up to touch her face, but changed his mind and awkwardly let it come to rest on her shoulder instead. He fervently hoped that she hadn't noticed.

"Can you tell me what you were dreaming about?" Carter asked quietly, tentatively.

"It was one of my torture sessions with Ba'al," Jack sighed. He went on to explain, and watched as Carter's face grew more and more horrified. He hadn't told her about this particular instance before because he knew how it would upset her.

When he was finished, he let his chin fall onto his chest. He felt drained, both physically and mentally.

"I'm broken, Carter." He said it so softly that at first she wasn't sure if she'd imagined it.

"Sir?"

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," he said, now raising his head so that his dark, wet eye met hers. The sight of him, on the brink of tears, was like a knife in her heart. Instinctively, she pulled him to her in a tight hug, clinging to him as though she could somehow take away the pain.

Jack burrowed his face into her neck and anxiously tried to stifle a sob, but he clung to her desperately to remind himself where he was. _This_ _is_ _real_. She _is_ _real_.

"You _can_ do this, sir," she breathed in his ear. "You're strong. You can survive this. I'm right here with you. We'll do it…" she took a deep breath, "together."

* * *

 _ **AN: Don't get too excited there folks, they've got a looong way to go yet ;) Thank you to those who are sticking with me, and to those who reviewed!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Thank you so much for your reviews and support! I hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think :) I own nothing of SG-1; only in my dreams...**_

* * *

"But sir—!" Jack protested weakly, pacing furiously around General Hammond's office.

"I'm sorry, Colonel, but that is final. Until I've received confirmation from Dr Fraiser that you're fit to return to active duty, I won't allow you back in the field." Hammond tried to reign in his exasperation, as he so often had to do with Jack. He completely sympathised with the man's frustration – unfortunately, that didn't mean that he could let him back out there. Jack rounded on Fraiser, who until this point had remained quiet in the corner of the room.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" he insisted. "I'm as healthy as the next man! Well… as long as the next man is Teal'c." Fraiser grinned slightly behind her steely visage.

"That's as may be, Colonel, but from what Major Carter's been telling me about your 'talks', I still think that you have some issues to sort through before I'm willing to believe that your judgement won't be affected in critical situations." Jack rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Doc, it's been two weeks! I'm fine!"

"People who've been through something like you have don't just get better, Colonel," Fraiser explained patiently. "It can take months, even years, to fully recover from the psychological effects of torture."

"Yes, _other people_ ," Jack growled emphatically.

"Now, Jack, I'm with Dr Fraiser on this one!" Hammond cut in, his patience now at an end. "You will remain inactive until such time as I see that you're fit to do otherwise, and that's final. Now, please, get out of my office." Jack looked between him and Fraiser for a moment, before storming off, fuming. Hammond let out a heartfelt sigh.

"I know where he's coming from, but that man can really get on my nerves," he said quietly to Fraiser. "But I almost feel that letting him back out there might help. You know, take his mind off it."

"You may be right, sir," Fraiser said diplomatically, "but it's just as likely that it would make things worse. There's only so much one person can bottle up."

* * *

Carter looked up as the door of the mess room flew open and Jack entered with all the force and angry determination of a small tornado. He didn't even see her, just headed straight for the coffee pots and poured himself a large cup. A little concerned about what could have agitated her superior officer so, Carter approached him cautiously.

"Sir? Is everything alright?"

"Not now, Carter," he barked dismissively, and turned on his heel and left. Carter stood there for several moments, taken aback by his abrupt exit. Not sure whether or not to follow him, she returned to her table and finished her jello in quiet contemplation.

* * *

Jack slammed the door behind him when he reached his quarters. He knew that he had no right to be angry at Hammond, or even at Fraiser; they were just trying to do what was best for him, and god knows he'd do the same in their position. But that didn't make it any easier. He was dying of boredom; he'd even finished his immense backlog of paperwork, for crying out loud.

After setting the coffee down delicately (he'd already managed to spill some and burn his hand in his haste to get back to his room), he threw himself on the bed, still breathing heavily. Fraiser had tried to insist that he take some personal time and get away from the SGC to somewhere a little more peaceful for a while. If only she knew, _if only_ , how desperately he wanted to; but he couldn't – he had finally managed to admit to himself that, right now, he needed Carter. She made him feel safe, in a world where nothing else did, and he couldn't bear to be separated from her right now. She was worth the cabin fever.

And he hated it.

Jack O'Neill was a loner – he had become so out of necessity, and now abhorred the thought of being dependant on another human being. Not for his life, because he depended on his team every day that they were out in the field, and that was as it should be. But depending on someone else for happiness… Jack knew all too well how that ended.

Sighing, he pulled out the photo from his inside pocket and gazed at it, unseeing. The problem about needing someone is that you need them to need you back.

 _"You're strong. I'm right here with you. We can do this… together."_

 _He'd felt the slight hitch in her breath when she'd said it, and how her heart had started pounding in her chest, against his._

 _After a moment, he cleared his throat, attempting to maintain a slight air of superiority and distance while wrapped in her arms._

 _"Together?" he said quietly._

 _"Well. I… um—" Carter realised what she'd said and was trying to back herself out of a corner. "I just meant that—"_

 _"I know, Carter. It's alright." Although it went against every fibre of his being, Jack's arms slackened and he moved back from her. "It's late. You should go."_

 _"Yes, sir," she said immediately, standing up, not making eye contact. "Goodnight, sir."_

 _"Goodnight, Carter," he said softly. He lay back in bed and tried to ignore how complete he'd felt with her in his arms._

His reverie was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. The photo was hastily returned to its pocket.

"Yeah?"

"It's me, sir."

"Door's open."

Carter entered cautiously, shutting the door with a click behind her. Jack realised that she was waiting for him and irritably gestured for her to sit. Already knowing that this hadn't been a good idea and that she should've left him alone, Carter sat.

"Is everything okay, sir?" she asked quietly.

"What do you think."

Carter grimaced.

"Sir, I know you want to be back out in the field, but—"

"You think that's all I want?" Jack interrupted, rounding on her. She wasn't prepared for his intense gaze and immediately dropped her eyes.

"Sorry, sir, I just meant that I know this is difficult for you and—"

"You don't know squat, Carter," he snapped at her, jumping up from the bed and starting to pace again. She almost pouted.

"Well, I think that's a really unfair thing to say, sir."

" _I don't care!_ I don't give a damn about what you think, Carter. I'm your commanding officer, and if I want to know your opinion then _I'll damn well ask for it._ Until then, just—just don't, okay? Just don't."

Jack had surprised even himself with that outburst, but he was still seething, the bile had risen and he was just plain old angry. Angry for letting himself down, disappointed that he'd been driven to yelling at the one person he cared about. He was taking it all out on her and he knew it. He'd let himself down in Ba'al's torture chamber because he'd wanted to give in, so fervently wanted to just let go, to die, which went against everything he'd built himself up to be; he was letting himself down now, for pushing her away when all he wanted was to draw her close. He was angry at the system, at the rules and the Air Force, angry at Hammond, furious at Daniel for leaving them, angry at Carter through no fault of her own, and he hated himself for it.

Carter sat in stunned silence, unable to respond. In the six years that she had known him, he had never spoken to her, never treated her like that. She almost felt a lump rising in her throat, and fought to keep it down. Half-hoping that he would just cool down and apologise, she waited with baited breath; when it seemed that no apology was forth-coming, she searched for something to say.

"Sir, I know that you've been through a lot and you're still trying to deal with that, but I disagree with the way you're treating me now. I don't deserve to have you take this out on me; and you're a better man than that."

"That's where you're wrong." He didn't shout it, didn't raise his voice now, but the words came out low and deadly and for the first time in six years, Carter was frightened of him.

All of a sudden, the fire seemed to evaporate within him. Jack sunk down onto his bed, head in his hands, and Carter had never seen him looking older or more tired.

"I'm sorry, Carter," she heard him say. "Just go."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything, except a lot of DVDs.**_

* * *

In the days that followed after Colonel O'Neill's outburst, Carter kept her distance as much as possible. While she knew that he (probably) hadn't meant the things he'd said, and that he just needed an outlet, it had still stung. It also hadn't helped her own guilt around the situation; she had been the one who convinced him to blend with the Tok'ra symbiote, and everything that happened following that was therefore her fault. It was a pain that she felt keenly. Admitting responsibility for the torture of someone so close to her was difficult for Carter. But instead of going to him and trying to talk about it, she hid in her lab, avoiding him at meal times, not making eye contact in the corridors. It wasn't necessarily the best way to deal with it; but she was so scared of somehow making things worse that she didn't know what else to do.

It both helped and hindered this that, a few days later, the rest of SG-1 were sent on a mission to P4C-731; as usual, what should have been a standard recon mission turned into an overnight affair when they were taken by surprise and imprisoned. Jonas managed to talk their way out of it (a simple misunderstanding drawing from the more primitive people's fear of technology), and they returned home, slightly muddy from the dirt floor of their cell, but no worse for wear.

Jack had been waiting impatiently in the Gate Room as they stepped back through. Carter looked questioningly at him, but he avoided her gaze.

"What took you so long?" he demanded of Jonas and Teal'c.

"We were waylaid, O'Neill," Teal'c replied, inclining his head in greeting.

"Yeah, slight misunderstanding, but everything's fine now," Jonas continued. "It'll be a while before I want to sleep in a mud hut again, though." Jack raised his eyebrows. He opened his mouth to ask, but then changed his mind.

"You know what, I don't wanna know," he said lightly. Jonas grinned at him, and they moved off for a much needed shower. Jack caught Carter by the arm as she passed him.

"Can we talk later?" he murmured, still not making eye contact.

"Yes, sir. I'll come by soon," she replied, nodding.

"Just when you're ready, Carter." He let go of her arm and allowed her to continue on her way.

Carter found Jonas waiting for her outside the Gate Room.

"Everything okay, Sam?" he asked quietly as he moved into step beside her. When she just shrugged, he continued, "I know you guys have been avoiding each other. You've been spending a lot of time together recently with the whole 'therapy' thing and I just wanted to make sure that nothing—" he broke off as he realised what he was going to say. _That nothing's happened between you two._ That would get his ass kicked for sure. "That, uh…" he backtracked quickly, "I just wanted to check that you're okay."

Carter wanted to narrow her eyes at him, but instead she lightly touched his arm. The four of them were so close that they barely needed words anymore; even though Jonas was still 'the new kid', he had slotted into their way of life easily. She knew that she'd been acting a bit off and that Jonas and Teal'c were bound to have noticed on their mission. Really, she was grateful that he'd talked to her; knowing that he was there for her had got her through many days in the past, and it would help her get through this one.

"Thanks, Jonas," she replied, with a genuine smile. "I'll be okay. And so will the Colonel," she added hastily. "He's been through a lot, but we'll get there." Jonas nodded his understanding. It hadn't been easy for any of them to watch Jack's suffering since his return.

"He hasn't been off the base since he got back, has he?" Carter shook her head. "Let's take him out tomorrow night. Have a barbeque or something, get some beers. Try take his mind off it."

"That sounds great, I think he'll really like that," Carter grinned. By now they had reached the changing rooms, and went their separate ways.

The hot water streaming out of the shower steamed, and Carter gratefully stripped down and stepped in. Sleeping on the hard ground the night before had not done wonders for her back, but she could already feel some of the tension in her muscles melting away. Absentmindedly, she washed her hair while she thought. Being offworld without Jack had been strange; she had missed him, feeling his absence more keenly after their unspoken separation.

And now they were going to 'talk'. A terrifying prospect; but she had felt his hand trembling as he had held her arm in the Gate Room. Was it possible that he had missed her as much as she'd missed him?

* * *

Back in some clean BDU pants and a black t-shirt, Carter once more headed down the corridor towards Jack's quarters. She knocked softly on the door and entered when she heard his voice.

Jack had been sitting at his desk, but rose to his feet as the door opened. He moved towards her, hesitated for a moment, and then pulled her into his arms. It took her completely by surprise, and for a moment she froze before remembering to hug him back.

"I was worried when you didn't come back yesterday," he murmured into her hair.

"Come on, sir, you know us. When would we ever get into trouble?" Carter joked, trying to keep things light. He didn't respond, but after a pause, whispered,

"I'm sorry." His voice was barely audible and she wasn't even sure that she'd heard him.

"Sir?"

"I'm sorry, Carter. I should never have treated you like that. You deserve so much better…" he trailed off, unable to finish that thought. But Carter pulled away from him, shaking her head.

"No, sir, you were right. All of this," she waved her hands vaguely, "is my fault. You didn't want to blend with the symbiote, but I pushed you to do it. None of this would have happened if it weren't for me." She was trying desperately to keep her emotions at bay but she'd barely slept in their mud hut last night and she felt wretched about Jack and everything was just getting a bit much right now as the tears began to fall.

Jack lifted her chin gently and cupped her face delicately in his hand, his thumb stroking across her cheek to catch some of the tears.

"I know this has been hard on you, too. I behaved like an ass – well, more than usual," he corrected, making her smile slightly. "But none of this is your fault, in any way, at all. In fact," he took a deep breath, "it's because of you that I'm here at all." Carter cocked her head, her brow furrowing. "When I was there, with Ba'al, he made me feel so much… so much pain. He took and took and took everything I had… until I didn't feel anything anymore." Carter tried to lower her eyes but Jack wouldn't let her, supporting her head in his hand so that he could hold her gaze. "I wanted to give up. I felt like I was letting myself down, letting _you_ down, but I wanted to end it. The thought of you was—was the only thing that kept me alive. I had to come back for you, Sam. I wasn't ready to leave you just yet." He smiled, and for once it wasn't mocking or sarcastic; it was real, and it was heartfelt, and in his eyes she recognised something she'd been trying to ignore since they first met. "And then you found me, and you saved me, like you do every day. You save me from myself. Thank you, Sam."

Carter stood, speechless, absorbing what he had said, trying to make sense of it. Before she could reply, he murmured,

"Come here," and enveloped her in his arms once more.

* * *

 _ **AN: Bit of a shorter, more introspective chapter this time, but hopefully enough to tide you over! The next will have a little more action and a little more fun. Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed, please continue! They help keep me on the right track ;)**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: I own none of these people, although I wish I did..._**

* * *

Jonas rapped smartly on Jack's door.

"Come on, Colonel, we're ready!"

Jack wrenched open the door and stared out at his teammates in surprise.

"Why… why are you here?" he said in complete confusion. He glanced at Carter, who shrugged somewhat apologetically. Jonas turned to her.

"I thought you were gonna..?" he asked her.

"Sorry," she said awkwardly. "I wasn't sure how he'd react to the idea, so I thought a surprise might work out better…" She turned to Jack. "Has it?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"What do you think?"

Carter grinned. She knew that he was actually desperate to get out of there, but would never show it.

"Right," Jonas said. "We thought we'd take you out. It's about time you had some fun," he continued. Jack forced himself not to glance at Carter. "Teal'c's over at your place heating up the barbecue. There's a fridge full of beer, a freezer full of steak… come on. You can't tell me that that doesn't sound like a good time."

"Well…" Jack conceded. "What's the beer?"

"Guinness, sir."

"You know me so well," Jack replied, his usual levity returning. He walked out of his room, shutting the door behind him, and leading the way back towards the elevators. He purposefully brushed against Carter's shoulder when he passed her. She could feel her bare skin burning from the contact long after he'd passed.

* * *

Jonas was mercifully oblivious to Carter's awkwardness on the drive out to Jack's house. They had taken her car, as she planned to sober drive if necessary; but Jack had a spare room, and a couple of couches, and she knew that they would all end up sleeping there. She glanced sideways at him a couple of times, but he was staring dead ahead while chatting amiably with Jonas in the back. She had also managed to get them all the next day off – General Hammond did not need much persuading, as he too was anxious about Jack's well-being and knew that they could all do with some fun and relaxation time.

As soon as they got out of the car, they were greeted by the delicious smells of slowly charring sausages and steak. Although Jonas walked straight around the back to the garden and Teal'c, Jack paused for a moment, staring at his house.

"Sir?" Carter asked tentatively, coming to stand beside him.

"I'm fine, Carter," he said softly. "It's just been a while… I've changed so much since I was last here; I guess I somehow thought my house would have changed too." They stood there several moments longer, before Jack took a deep breath. "But enough of that," he continued brightly. "It's happy face time!" He contorted his face into a sillily huge smile that made Carter snort inadvertently. Grinning more naturally now at the fact that he'd made her laugh, Jack placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the back garden. He only left it there for a few steps, but he felt Carter lean back into it slightly. He knew that she was having difficulty processing things right now, and that the physical contact was comforting.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c called jovially to him as he rounded the corner.

"Hey, T! Looks like you've got everything under control here," Jack replied, gesturing appreciatively at the barbeque and the slowly growing piles of cooked meat. "I'm gonna grab a beer, anyone want one?" They all replied in the affirmative, so Jack disappeared inside. Carter was always amused by the fact that Teal'c drank beer – his symbiote prevented him from feeling the more enjoyable effects of alcohol; he only drank it for the taste.

"Samantha Carter," Teal'c began. "Would you be able to bring some plates out for our meal? I am afraid that I overlooked that in my preparations."

"Teal'c, I'm ashamed of you," Carter chastised him, but her eyes were twinkling. "Of course, I'll be back in a second."

She walked into the lounge and through to the kitchen, where she found Jack awkwardly trying to close the fridge with his shoulder while his hands were full of beers.

"You alright there, sir?" Carter asked with an amused grin.

"Never better, Carter," he replied airily, almost dropping the beers in one hand but jamming his body up against the bench to catch them. Carter laughed and moved forward to help him pick them up. As she approached him, she could sense him recalibrating – from the Air Force Colonel to Jack.

She reached down and carefully extracted the bottles from between Jack's body and the bench, and offered them back to him.

"Sorry sir, I have to get plates…" she tried awkwardly to get him to take them, suddenly very aware that they were alone. Before she could move away, Jack reached up the hand that was devoid of beers and laid it on the side of her neck, just above her shoulder, his thumb tenderly stroking her skin. He could see the battle raging inside her.

"Carter, I…"

"Hey, Sam, you need some help with those plates?" Jonas' voice rang out from outside before he followed it in to join her. Jack squeezed her shoulder once before dropping his hand.

"Sir…" Carter whispered, but he had already picked up the beers and was walking away. "Th-thanks, Jonas, that would be great," she replied to him, her voice louder and more confident now, pushing down her emotions.

"Hey, you alright?" Jonas asked as he reached her, suddenly concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Sure?" He was sceptical.

"I'm fine, Jonas," Carter said, more pointedly now, through gritted teeth.

"Alright, alright," Jonas said, raising his hands in supplication. "You know I'm always here if you ever need to talk, about anything." Carter nodded. " _Anything_ ," he added meaningfully. Carter narrowed her eyes at him and handed him some cutlery.

* * *

The excursion was a success, for all four of them; things had been tough lately (when were they not?), and it was a relief for them to just be away from the base for a while. Carter finally began to relax, and suddenly felt incredibly lucky to be sitting there with three of the people she cared about the most. She glanced over at Jack as he told a joke, and saw with relief that he too was starting to unwind. Jonas caught her eye and he grinned at her and nodded – their plan had worked.

"So, what do you guys wanna do now?" Jack asked of his teammates after they'd finished eating. Two heavily piled plates of charred meat and four beers down, he was feeling decidedly better about his life and future prospects.

"I thought we could watch a film, O'Neill," Teal'c piped up.

"Oh yeah? Anything in mind?"

"Actually, yes. I have brought one which I think should be quite enjoyable," he continued, pulling a DVD out from somewhere. Jack squinted at it.

"'Galaxy Quest'?" he said sceptically.

"Do you object?"

"Nah," Jack replied after some thought. "Why not?"

Back inside, curled up on the couches with some fresh beer, Teal'c started the film. They weren't even five minutes in before Jack had come up with a rather elaborate drinking game (including rules such as, 'Drink every time Carter gets angry at their science' and 'Drink every time Alan Rickman looks like he wants to shoot someone').

An hour and a half later, when it was over, a rather large pile of empty bottles had accumulated and they were all in fits of giggles – except for Teal'c, who was quietly watching them with a great deal of amusement.

Jonas and Teal'c had automatically sat together on one of the couches, and Jack had accidentally spilled his beer all over the arm chair on their way in; this meant that Carter had to share a couch with him. Although she was already feeling the effects of the alcohol before the film started, she was still a little wary of being in such close proximity. However, with Jack's drinking game in place, she loosened up considerably.

Shortly after they had sat down, Jack had put his arm up on the back of the couch behind her. By the end of the film, it was draped around her shoulders and she had nestled herself up against his side.

Suddenly, Carter stood up.

"You okay?" Jack asked her, slightly concerned by how much she was swaying.

"Yeah," she replied, a little unsteadily but with the unbridled optimism of the very drunk. "Just gonna go to the bathroom." Jack's eyes followed her as she left; he felt unexpectedly cold without her next to him. But then Jonas struck up an in depth conversation with him about the plight of the Thermians against Sarris in relation to their own struggle against the Goa'uld, and Jack put aside his previous thought.

A minute later, Teal'c announced that he, too, was in need of the bathroom, and left the lounge. In the hallway, he waited patiently for Carter to return. She was caught by surprise when she almost walked into him.

"Samantha Carter," he said quietly.

"Hey, Teal'c! Gee, you scared me!"

"I am sorry; it was not my intention to do so. I merely wanted a word."

Carter was a little suspicious, but allowed him to continue.

"Fire away…"

Teal'c looked slightly uncomfortable, which in itself was worrying. He paused a moment before speaking, as if trying to order his thoughts.

"I have noticed that your behaviour this evening is… somewhat out of character for you." Carter dropped her gaze, knowing exactly what he meant. "I only want to ensure your safety and happiness, and you know that I don't want to pry into your personal affairs but to this end I must ask – is there something that you are keeping from us?"

Carter raised her head again to look into his large, dark eyes. She felt herself getting a little teary; it meant so much to her that she had friends like Teal'c who cared about her and would stand by her no matter what. She expressed as much to him, although not quite as succinctly.

"Of course, Samantha Carter," Teal'c replied, as if stating the obvious. "You are very dear to me. I would do anything in my power to protect you."

Wiping away a tear, Carter barely knew how to respond.

"Thank you, Teal'c," she managed, not quite sobbing. "There is… something… bu-but, but, it'll be okay. Eeeverything will be fine… I think." Teal'c laid a hand on her shoulder, and she instantly wrapped her arms tightly around him and let herself be comforted by his presence.

Walking back into the lounge several moments later, she received some very worried looks from the two men there. Jack sprang to his feet.

"Carter, are you okay? What's wrong?" He was instantly at her side, a hand on her arm. She then realised that she had shed a few tears talking to Teal'c and that her eyes must be red. She hurriedly wiped them away.

"Yes! No, I'm fine, everything's fine… everything will be fine," she rambled, trying to reassure him, although he didn't look convinced.

"…okay," he said, and led her back over to the couch. When they sat down, she immediately resumed her position against his side. Jack raised an eyebrow at her, but she just smiled innocently and shrugged. He rolled his eyes at her, which just made her laugh.

"So much for sober driving, huh?" Jonas joked.

"Come on, we all knew that was never gonna happen," Jack replied.

* * *

"So, what's the plan now?" Jonas asked cheerfully when Teal'c returned. Jack thought for a moment.

"You guys feel like playing some poker? It would be a shame not to take advantage of Carter's drunken state by taking all her money," he quipped.

"Hey!" Carter exclaimed, punching him in the stomach. He pretended to have had the breath knocked out of him and gasped for air, but squeezed her shoulder gently. This had Jonas doubled over laughing.

"Relax, I'm kidding," Jack chuckled. "But seriously, poker?"

"That sounds enjoyable, O'Neill."

"Great! If Teal'c thinks it'll be fun, then you _know_ it will be." Jack stood up and rummaged around in a cupboard until he found a pack of cards. He didn't notice how Carter slowly fell sideways without him to prop her up.

Two hours later, Carter sat looking smug with a surprisingly large pile of money in front of her. Jack glared at her.

"And hopefully that will teach you never to doubt me when I'm drunk," she stated matter-of-factly. Jack glared at her.

"Last time I ever bet on anything with you," he grumbled. Carter gathered up her winnings.

"I think it's about time to call it a night, don't you?" She was looking at Jonas, who had been yawning for the last hour and now looked as though he were about to collapse.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he yawned. She grinned at him and stood up.

"You can have the spare room, Jonas, you look like you need it," she said, almost giggling. "Teal'c and I can have some girl time in here." Teal'c raised an eyebrow at her.

"Now _that's_ something I'd like to see," Jack said in amusement. "Come on, kids," he continued, standing up and shooing them, "it's time for bed." Carter pushed herself up and leaned against Jack for support.

"Come, Jonas Quinn," Teal'c said, standing also and offering his hand to Jonas. "I will show you where the spare room is." They left, with Jonas mumbling vaguely something about never drinking Earth alcohol again, and Jack and Carter were alone. Jack inwardly thanked Teal'c for giving them a moment. The Jaffa was far more insightful than Jack often gave him credit for.

"You doing okay there, Carter?" he asked of the woman still leaning on him.

"I'm great," she replied, looking up at him with a smile and adoration in her eyes. She slipped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder.

"You don't drink all that often, do you?" Jack remarked airily as he returned her hug.

They stood in silence for a few moments, enjoying the brief respite from their daily lives and feeling content at last. Then Jack drew back slightly and cupped her face in his hands. Carter's breath caught in her throat and an eternity seemed to pass as she looked into his eyes. With almost agonising slowness, he leaned down and touched his lips to hers. It was the most innocent kiss, but it meant everything. After a moment, he leant back again.

"Goodnight, Sam," he said softly.

"Goodnight, Jack," she breathed. And then he was gone.

It took an incredible force of will for him to leave her there, but there was no other option. Jack walked back to his bedroom, finding Teal'c waiting outside the lounge door. They shared a look, which intimated everything the other needed to know.

"Thanks, T," Jack said quietly. Teal'c inclined his head.

"Take care, O'Neill."

* * *

 ** _AN: Come on, we've all been waiting for it. I thought we needed something a little lighter to take a break from the angst for a while. Don't worry, the next chapter will be full once again of Jack struggling with his demons and Carter's terrific hangover ;) Thank you to everyone who's reviewed and everyone who for some reason has stuck with me this far xxx_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: I deeply, truly apologise for the massive break since I last posted. Please don't hate me.  
I don't own anything. Please review, I love to hear your thoughts!**_

Although they had the day off and were perfectly at liberty to sleep in as late as they liked, SG-1 all found themselves waking of their own accord precisely on 7am, which still felt like a sleep-in to Carter. However, she groaned as she tried to sit up, feeling the pounding in her head worsen and her stomach lurch.

"Morning, sunshine," she heard Jack say from the kitchen. Blearily she opened her eyes and saw Teal'c regarding her from the other couch in faint amusement, and Jonas looking as though he may throw up again at any moment. He clung to the bucket in his lap like a lifeline.

Jack hummed quietly to himself as he fried up the eggs. Sausages, bacon and hash browns were already cooked and keeping warm in the oven, and the kettle was just boiling for some industrial strength coffee. Teal'c rose from his seat and joined Jack in the kitchen, pouring water into a coffee pot to let it brew.

As the eggs were almost done (both fried and scrambled, just for Carter), Jack pulled the rest of their feast out of the oven and carried it to the table, returning to the kitchen for plates and cutlery and leaving Teal'c to deal with the coffee, creamer, and cups.

Carter and Jonas seemed to be drawn to the smell of fried food, and moved magnetically towards the table, digging in without ceremony. Jack caught Teal'c's eye as he sat down and instantly felt a little uneasy; although he knew that Teal'c, as his friend, would support him, it was a warning to remember that others in the military would not be as understanding. Jack shook his head and tried to focus on breakfast.

"This is delicious, sir, thanks!" Carter mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Yeah, thanks, Colonel!" Jonas piped up. He was already looking a little less green.

"Indeed," contributed Teal'c.

"Eh, no biggie," Jack replied, waving a hand dismissively. "Nothing to cure a hangover like a mound of fried carbs and a gallon of steaming coffee. Speaking of which—" he added, realising that they had already emptied the coffee pot and standing up to refill it.

In the kitchen, Jack allowed himself a moment to collect his thoughts. While the kettle boiled again, he felt his eyes close. _How the hell do I get through this day?_

When he returned to the table, Carter was explaining the movie they'd watched the night before to Jonas, who apparently didn't remember a lot of it. He glanced at her; she was looking… far too normal. She was usually incredibly inept at hiding her emotions, especially from him, and right now she should be looking as nervous and awkward as he felt. Maybe she was just dismissing it as a stupid, drunk, mistake; maybe it didn't mean anything to her.

He froze at the thought. Was it possible that, all this time, he'd been wrong? That things really had changed between them? She laughed at something Jonas was saying, with no trace of a struggle in her eyes. Jack felt suddenly cold.

She didn't care.

"Are you alright, O'Neill?" Teal'c's soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Whut? Yeah, I um… Just a headache." He screwed up his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

They finished breakfast while filling Jonas in on the rest of the evening. Carter concluded by saying loudly over the men's laughter,

"You could barely stand, Teal'c practically carried you to bed! While I—" She broke off, brow furrowing. "I…" Eyes widened in shock, Carter froze. It all came flooding back. _Oh, god._ She risked a quick glance at Jack, who was suddenly staring stoically into his mug of coffee. Jonas was still laughing, oblivious to the abrupt change in mood of the table. Carter stood, a little too quickly, and had to hold onto the edge of the table for a moment until her head stopped spinning.

"I just have to…" Not even finishing her sentence, she practically fled the room.

"I'll just go and check on her, shall I?" Jack mumbled to himself after a moment, not making eye contact with Teal'c.

Jack walked towards the bathroom with slow, measured steps. Apprehension and worry consumed him as he raised his hand to knock, and he realised with a pang that this was almost worse than he'd felt as Ba'al's prisoner. He grimaced, and knocked gently.

"Carter?"

Inside, she stood in front of the mirror, clutching the edges of the sink, searching her reflection to find any trace of the possibility that she'd dreamed it. But there was none. The bags under her eyes and the hint of a gaunt shadow in her cheeks only served to remind her how hard she'd been working lately, and how much worrying about Jack had really taken out of her. But no sign in her eyes that she'd imagined the kiss; quite the opposite.

Carter jumped when she heard the knock. It was a few seconds before she could answer.

"Sir?"

"You okay in there?"

"Fine, sir." Even she could hear the strain in her voice. There was a lengthy pause, and then,

"Do you want to come out? There's more coffee and Teal'c's gonna finish off the eggs if you're not careful…" It sounded like an offhand comment, but they both felt the ripples of an undercurrent. Carter was surprised that the sink hadn't crumbled in her hands. After a deep breath, she turned, unlocked the bathroom door, and opened it.

Jack's eyes were fixed on the floor two feet in front of him. When the door opened, he leaned against the frame with his hands in his pockets. Carter's eyes desperately searched his face, and she almost flinched when he suddenly looked up to meet her gaze.

"Hi," he said softly, and cleared his throat. "You feeling okay?"

"I—" Her breath caught in her throat, so instead she nodded. "Fine, sir." He nodded too, and lowered his eyes. "Are you?"

He didn't answer.

"Jack?"

His head shot up again at the sound of his name. There was the ghost of a tear in her eye. He thought it was regret.

"I'm sorry, Sam," he whispered. "This is my fault." It felt like he was wrenching a piece of his soul out, but it was necessary. It had clearly not been what she wanted. He had to make it all go away now, for her.

"Sir?"

"I was out of line, Carter. You were drunk, I shouldn't have—" Jack paused and took a deep breath. "It was my mistake. I hope it won't affect our working relationship."

Carter's heart jumped to her throat at his words. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She cleared her throat and tried again, but her voice came out weak and strangled.

"Of course not. Sir," she added. Jack could no longer meet her eye.

"Good." He remained in the doorway for a moment longer, then nodded and walked away.

Alone again, Carter slowly shut the bathroom door and slid down it to sit on the cold tiles.

"Oh _shit_."


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: I'm hoping to start updating regularly again! Let me know what you think, it must just about be time for Jack to get back in the field...  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

* * *

When Carter returned from the bathroom, Jonas and Teal'c were only just finishing up their breakfasts and looking decidedly better for it. Jack was sitting behind his half-empty plate, staring into his coffee like it was three fingers of whiskey, and wishing that it were. As she approached the table, Teal'c stood.

"Major Carter, would you assist me in clearing the table?" Carter nodded, and they began collecting plates.

"Thanks for the great breakfast, Colonel," Jonas said, sounding more like his usual chirpy self. "I'm feeling a lot better now." Jack grunted in reply.

In the kitchen, Carter began rinsing the dishes for Teal'c to load into the washer. Once the others had left, Jack reminding Jonas where the shower was, Teal'c turned to her.

"Are you well this morning?" he asked softly. Carter focussed on the pan in her hands.

"A little headache, nothing out of the ordinary." Although she kept her voice blank, she could feel Teal'c's gaze and knew that he knew.

"Please let me know if there is anything I can do."

"Thanks, Teal'c. I really appreciate it." She really did.

"Anything at all."

Carter chuckled and glanced sideways at her friend. His impassive face told her that everything would be alright. She touched his arm affectionately and nodded to show that she understood. He would always have her back.

* * *

After Jack had dropped Jonas off in the bathroom, he went back to his bedroom. He had no desire to be around Carter any more than was necessary.

The bed creaked under his weight and he grimaced. He thought that he'd been hitting the gym pretty hard lately (it being one of the only things to do on base), but apparently the extra beer he'd been smuggling onto the base as a way of passing the evenings had taken its toll.

Jack lay back and sighed, staring at the ceiling. In the three weeks since he had returned from Ba'al, it was like the world around him had changed. Things felt different now, like the universe had moved on without him and he didn't quite know where he fit in anymore. He had clung to Carter as a pillar of strength, a marker to remind him what was real. As much as he had longed to get away from the base, his house felt alien to him now. More alien than the alien planets they visited.

Jack screwed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hands. In a world where he was lost at sea, he needed his lifeboat more than anything. He had to put aside his broken heart – hell, they'd been doing it for years now, they should both be used to it – and focus on recovering, and he needed her for that.

The smell of coffee lured him back to the kitchen. Teal'c wordlessly handed him a mug, and the two of them went to join Carter in the lounge. She was curled up in a corner of the couch, looking as if she were only just in control of her facial expression. For a few minutes, they sipped their coffee in silence, the only sound the faint patter of the shower. Jack sighed.

"It's weird being back here. It doesn't feel… right."

"Sir?" Carter said, looking up sharply. Teal'c raised an eyebrow at him.

"I feel… out of place. Like I don't belong. In my own house, for crying out loud!"

It took Carter a few moments to recalibrate to the situation. Jack was showing her that he was putting it behind him and they could continue as before. She was grateful.

"Surely you have been tortured before, O'Neill? How did you recover then?" Teal'c asked with his usual tact. Carter shot him a look.

"I openly talked about it with friends and trained professionals so that I could come to accept it and move on, how do you think?" Jack said, completely deadpan. Still coming to terms with sarcasm, Teal'c raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"By which he means, he bottled it up, didn't speak to anyone, deflected it with humour, and distracted himself with beer," Carter translated, her mouth quirked up in the corner. Jack's eyes met hers and it was almost like they were back to normal, sharing a private joke, even if it wasn't very funny.

"That does not sound like a very successful coping method, O'Neill." Carter stifled a grin.

"I'm workin' on it, believe me," Jack sighed. There was a long pause, in which they heard the shower switch off and Jonas emerge from the bathroom. "Hey T, could you go tell Jonas we're gonna head out when he's ready?" Teal'c inclined his head and rose, leaving Jack alone with Carter. Once the door had closed, he spoke again.

"I'm tired, Carter. Restless. I'm surrounded by people, but I feel so alone. I'm just tired, of these people, these places, of being cooped up and going through the motions, over and over and over. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

* * *

It was just after midday by the time they returned to the base, just in time to wolf down lunch in the commissary, although that actually made Jonas feel even more ill. After Jack ordered him back to bed, the rest of SG1 wandered down to the gym for an easy-going workout and sparring session. Jack was determined to put off going to bed for as long as possible. He was working on not pushing people away and shutting himself off, even though that's all he wanted to do. It was hard, but he could see that Carter knew that he was trying and was proud of him.

Finally, after dinner, they unanimously decided to call it a night and Jack returned to his stark, empty quarters. Three beers later, and he was sound asleep.

* * *

 _"Nobody knows you're here. Even if they did, they wouldn't be able to rescue you because this place is a fortress…"_

 _"We're both victims, you and I…"_

 _"Insidious, like… acid."_

Jack tossed fitfully in his sleep. Images swam in his mind, Ba'al, Daniel, Carter…

Carter.

 _He was in his cell. The opening was high above his head. He'd been there for six weeks – forty-three agonising days, although in actuality he had lost count. It had been days since he had last seen Daniel._

 _Suddenly, he was suspended in Ba'al's torture chamber. Ba'al was speaking but his words were muffled. Jack started struggling, trying to wrench himself free._

 _"Sir!" His head jerked up, and he saw Carter. Ba'al was holding a knife to her throat and there was a large cut on her cheek. Tears streaked the dirt on her face. The sight of her activated some primal instinct in Jack, and with a sudden surge of adrenaline he tore himself away from the bars._

In his room, and still asleep, Jack's unconscious mind gained some control over his limbs and he leapt to his feet. He stumbled out the door and sauntered off down the corridor, mumbling incoherently. The SFs stationed there shared a look, before one of them found the nearest phone and dialled the infirmary. The other cautiously approached Jack.

"Are you alright, sir?"

 _Ba'al grinned at him and drew the knife slowly across Carter's skin, his other arm holding tight against her struggling._

 _"Jack—" Carter groaned, her hands desperately tried to stop the blood flow, but it was too late. Jack rushed forwards, and Ba'al let Carter's lifeless body slide to the floor. He swung at Jack with the knife, who swerved out of the way, spun around, and kicked the back of his knees. Ba'al fell and Jack punched him hard in the side of the head, knocking him unconscious._

There was a thud as the SF fell, out like a light.

"Sir?"

Jack turned at the sound of Siler's voice behind him. Siler emerged from his lab with a furrowed brow, and noted the prone body of the SF on the ground. Jack mumbled at him.

"What was that, sir?"

 _Jack blinked. It was happening again, but their roles were reversed. Carter was alive once more, but suspended against the bars. Jack's windpipe was constricted_ — _Ba'als hands were tight around his throat._

Siler put a hand on Jack's shoulder, now very concerned. Jack's mumbled intensified. Siler leaned in closer to hear, and caught the word 'Ba'al' before Jack's fist caught him square in the nose and he staggered backwards. The one SF who was still conscious heard the commotion and ran back around the corner to intercept, but Jack's foot instinctively shot out to kick him in the groin and the man doubled over in pain.

"No..! Get away from—from her, you—!" He struggled to get away from Siler, _away from Ba'al. He had to save Carter._

 _But he was too late. Blood had begun to pour forth from a gash in her stomach, and she was dead in seconds. There was nothing Jack could do. He fell to his knees, sobbing. It was over. He had lost his last reason to live. Ba'al had taken everything._

Suddenly, Jack's eyes snapped open and he froze, trying to take in his surroundings. Siler was doubled over with a trickle of blood coming from his nose. There were two other people visible who were either unconscious or curled up on the floor. Jack was huddled in a corner, and his cheeks were damp with tears. He was not in Ba'al's torture chamber, or even his own quarters. He blinked, and cleared his throat.

"Uh."

He slowly got to his feet, surreptitiously wiping his eyes. At that moment, a nurse showed up, out of breath. She began trying to tend to Siler, but he waved her away, gesturing towards the SFs.

Jack wasn't quite sure what was going on, or why there was a small trail of clothes and bedding leading from his room.

"Night, Siler…" he murmured. Siler nodded at him, and Jack threw a mock salute at the SFs before turning. He made his way slowly back to his room, picking up his things as he went.

The pills seemed to be calling him from inside his desk. He opened the draw and glared at them. Taking sleeping pills felt like giving up, giving in… but he needed to knock himself out enough that even his subconscious was asleep. Jack was sick of sleep walking.

He took two pills, dry, and collapsed on the bed, slightly comforted by the knowledge that he could still disable three men in his sleep.

And with that thought, he was gone again.


	10. Chapter 10

It was Monday.

Hammond looked up from the report he'd been reading and at the person knocking on his open door.

"Come in, Doctor."

"Thank you, sir," Fraiser said. "I just thought I'd let you know, I'm clearing Colonel O'Neill for active duty." Hammond raised an eyebrow.

"Really? You're sure he's ready?"

"The truth is, I'm not sure," she sighed. "With this kind of emotional trauma, it's difficult to assess his progress. But at this stage, I do think it would be best for him to get back in the field. He's getting… restless." There was a pause in which Hammond read her true meaning.

"He's stealing things from your office, isn't he." Fraiser nodded, rolling her eyes. "Right. Well, that's his own special way of telling you he's ready. Let's just hope he's right."

* * *

"Coming through!" Jack's voice rang out down the hallway ahead of him, sending the assorted personnel scattering or pressing themselves against the walls. Jack rounded the corner and, with an almighty push, sent himself wheeling at great speed down the corridor on his office chair.

"Ooh, sorry Siler!" he said, as the files Siler was holding flew everywhere.

He slowed down as he approached the elevator and impatiently waited for it to arrive. When he arrived at Carter's office a couple of minutes later, he paused outside the open door before wheeling himself in. It had been a week since the barbecue, and although his heart broke every time he saw her, Jack told himself that this really was no different to how things had been for the last three years. It hurt, but he had to act as though everything was normal. Perhaps, in doing so, he'd convince the both of them that it was.

"Morning, Carter!" he barked as his chair came to rest next to her desk. He winched himself up to become level with it. Carter froze for a second at the sound of his voice, but she couldn't hide a smile when she saw him.

"Morning, sir. Did you ride that here from your office?"

"Yep!" Jack said, grinning smugly. Carter rolled her eyes and chuckled. "So, whatcha doing?"

The next ten seconds were a blur.

"Hmm. Yes. Very good," Jack commented, trying to look serious. Carter smiled but didn't respond, instead returning to focus on her work. Jack had nothing else to do, so he sat and watched her. After six years of this, she still fascinated him.

After a few minutes, he found a spare piece of paper and began to doodle. Then he started tearing small pieces off of it and lobbing them good-naturedly at Carter, which she did her best to ignore. Dealing with Jack was like dealing with a child – they only want a reaction; deny them that and they'll get bored.

Fortunately, Fraiser appeared in the doorway.

"Hey Sam, I—oh, Colonel! There you are. I was coming to let you both know that, partially against my better judgement, I'm clearing you for active duty," Fraiser said, keeping one eye on Carter. Jack leapt to his feet.

"Yes! Oh Doc, I could kiss you."

"Don't," Fraiser and Carter said together. He looked at them reproachfully, but recovered.

"Thank Christ for that, I was starting to go insane down here."

"Yes, so were we," Fraiser smirked, earning a chuckle from Carter. "General Hammond says you're to report to him now to discuss the terms of this. We still want to keep you under observation, for the time being." With a nod to each of them, Fraiser left.

Without a moment's hesitation, Jack headed for the door. Carter put down her pen and ran to catch up with him.

"I have a feeling Hammond will want to speak to me as well," she said sheepishly, by way of explanation. "Seeing as I am kinda, y'know… responsible for you mental health right now." Jack grunted but didn't comment.

* * *

Carter waited in the briefing room while Jack entered Hammond's office, grin plastered across his face.

"Morning, General!" he said enthusiastically.

"Good to see you've perked up a bit, Colonel," Hammond replied. "But I just want to be clear. You're to have regular psych check-ups with Fraiser and at the first sign that your judgement is being affected then I'm pulling you out. Are we clear?" Jack's smile had faded slightly but he still answered cheerfully.

"Yessir!"

"Good. I'll see you at oh-eight-hundred tomorrow for your mission briefing. Send Major Carter in now, will you?"

"Thanks, sir, I'm looking forward to it." Jack threw him a mock salute and backed out of the room. Carter looked up as he re-entered the briefing room. "You're up, Major." Carter stifled a laugh as he jumped and clicked his heels as he headed to the stairs.

"Have a seat, Major," Hammond said as she closed the door behind her.

"Thank you, sir."

Hammond took a deep breath and looked as if he were slightly uncomfortable having this conversation.

"Neither Doctor Fraiser or myself are sure whether or not Colonel O'Neill is ready to be back in the field. But to be honest, he's just been making such a nuisance of himself here that we had to do something." A smile tugged at his lips as Carter nodded emphatically. "I need you to continue keeping a close eye on him. If you feel like his judgement's impaired then I need you to report that back to me. I know that you and he have become… even closer lately—" Carter blinked but kept her face carefully blank. "—but I need to know that you won't protect him out of loyalty. If he's not a hundred percent, then we need to know."

Carter remained silent at the end of his speech for several moments, while Hammond closely studied her face.

"Of course, sir. That won't be a problem."


	11. Chapter 11

For the first time in Stargate Command's 6-year history, Jack O'Neill was the first person to arrive at an 0800 briefing.

He was, in fact, almost two hours early. Having exhausted all other means of distraction since he woke up three hours earlier, Jack had made his way to the briefing room to wait it out. Not even Hammond had arrived yet. Jack paced, and drank his way solidly through two pots of coffee. By the time Hammond and the rest of SG1 arrived, the surprise evident on their faces, Jack had memorised the mission dossier, including Carter's scientific report. This time, he only interrupted his teammates to finish their sentences.

As Hammond explained, they were being sent to P3J-718 for a routine first-contact meeting. The natives seemed to be at a similar level of technological development to Earth, but they had gone down a different path. Instead of their own planet's research into power production, self-preservation, and dominance, the inhabitants of 'Pastoria' had put their efforts into preserving their world. Instead of mining and slowly eating away at their planet's natural resources, they built lightning rods to make use of the frequent seasonal storms they experienced.

They had uncovered the gate a decade previously, and after several years burning the midnight oil, scientists figured out its use and managed to find a connecting address. However, they had assumed that it merely went to a different area of their own world, one which was uninhabited.

This much they had discovered through many conversations via the MALP. The Pastorian Governor had eventually agreed to meet a contingent in person. Carter was particularly interested in their methods of trapping the lightning in crystals for long-term storage (or so Jack had read in her report), and Jonas could barely contain his excitement about such an interesting weather phenomenon.

Jack practically fled the room when they were done, the sheer volume of coffee he had consumed catching up with him. Carter bit her bottom lip to keep from sniggering.

0930 rolled around and SG1 assembled in the gate room, ready for departure. Jack threw Walter a mock salute in thanks as the seventh chevron locked, and they stepped through the event horizon towards P3J-718.

* * *

The MALP was sending back images to Hammond and Walter of rolling green countryside, with a smooth but well-travelled road leading to a city less than a mile away. It was grey and overcast, with light drizzle that hinted at an oncoming storm. There was a party of ten men and women waiting to great their visitors, the Governor at the centre, flanked by dignitaries. There were no military leaders; all efforts were devoted to furthering their civilisation, not destroying it.

It should have been simple. SG1 step through the gate, and the MALP would report back the image of them emerging and greeting the Pastorians. But after waiting the standard five seconds when they stepped through, they had still not appeared in the MALP's transmission. The image stayed the same, with the dignitaries looking nervous yet excited.

"Where the hell are they?" General Hammond said into the shocked silence.

"I—I don't know, sir, maybe there's a problem with the MALP, or—" Walter stuttered, frantically pressing buttons.

"Well _find out!_ "

* * *

SG1 stepped through the gate, Jack's hand already raised. He was ready to greet the hell out of these people.

After a few steps, they stopped, and looked around cautiously. Teal'c raised his staff weapon and began scanning the surrounding countryside through narrowed eyes. The others drew their P90s and put their backs together, trying to cover themselves as much as possible.

"What's going on, SGC?" Jack barked into his radio, but as he spoke, the wormhole disconnected. For several minutes, no one moved or spoke. The air was quiet, expectant. "Dial us out, Carter," he muttered. "We'll head back and regroup. See if Hammond knows where the welcome party got to."

"Yessir."

As Carter dialled the DHD, Jack took a couple of steps forward.

"Hello?" He called. "We come in peace!"

Carter pressed the centre button to dial the gate and looked expectantly up at it, but no wormhole established. She pushed it again, harder this time, but still no ka-whoosh.

"Uh, sir?" Carter called.

"What?"

She pushed the button a few more times for him to see.

"If the Pastorians thought they were being threatened, would they have tried to escape through the gate?" Jonas offered, his face turned skywards. "I think there's a storm coming, and it looks like a big one. Maybe they didn't think they'd be safe…" A large raindrop hit him square in the forehead, bursting into small droplets. He rubbed them out of his eyes.

"Okay, let's head towards the city. See what we can see." Jack began striding towards the city, trying to pull the brim of his cap as far over his face as possible. Carter reluctantly stopped fiddling with the DHD and followed him. "I spy with my little eye…"

* * *

 _ **AN: Just a little update, I know, but don't worry! I've pre-written the next, like, four chapters and just had to join them up. Regular updates are back!**_


	12. Chapter 12

Pastoria was a flat, but expansive city that extended as far as the eye could see. SG1 followed the road to the city gates and didn't see a single living creature. When they arrived at the edge of the city, Jack peered around through the fog and walked up to the gates, rapping smartly on them with his fist. Well, he intended to. His hand passed right through them. He blinked.

"Uh. Carter?" She was already at his side, trying to feel for the gate but touching only air.

"It seems to be some sort of hologram…" She stepped right through the gate, and it was as though she triggered some kind of switch. In an instant, where the city had been, there was only scorched earth. At that moment, the weather also changed.

"Whoa!" Jonas exclaimed. "That's not possible!" The mist was gone, in its place, blazing sunshine. Carter immediately felt her exposed skin beginning to burn.

"What the _hell_ is going on?!"

"I suggest that we return to the gate. Perhaps Major Carter can find a way to fix the DHD," Teal'c volunteered. Jack nodded, and they set off at a brisk jog.

Carter went directly to the DHD and knelt down, pulling a panel off from its base.

"It doesn't look like anything's damaged, sir!" she called over her shoulder. "Sir?"

* * *

Jack felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. His ears pricked, expectant. Something had changed, in the air. Jack let his eyes close and slowed his breathing, tuning in, finding the patch of stillness where once there had been movement, as if he were a hunter. Or the prey.

Teal'c moved first, spinning gracefully to point his staff weapon at a snapping twig. Jack and Jonas reacted instantly, but found themselves with more targets than they had weapons.

A group of seven Jaffa had appeared, surrounding them, staff weapons raised and primed. Carter made eye contact with Jack, who shrugged and rolled his eyes. As one, SG1 lowered their weapons with a sigh.

"You will come with us!" one of the Jaffa barked.

"There's no need to shout, you're three feet away!" Jack shouted. "Just take us to your leader or whatever. Let's get it over with."

The Jaffa who had spoken motioned for Carter to join them. As she reached her teammates, rings rose up around them and they were transported to an orbiting Tel'tak. There was a bright light, and then… blackness.


	13. Chapter 13

The walls and floor of the cell seemed to be entirely dirt, as if it had been carved directly into the earth. Everything was slightly slimy to the touch, and they had been covered in grime even before the door had slammed behind them. Their hands were bound tightly with a thin rope that would leave a welt if they ever got out of there.

Jonas picked himself up off the floor and extended his hands to Carter, awkwardly pulling her to her feet. Jack groaned as he sat up, trying to rub the back of his neck, his bound hands preventing it. The door was just another slab of earth, and when it was closed, there was no trace of it, not even an edge. One small candle burning in the corner of the room was all the light they had. It was several minutes before their eyes adjusted to the dark.

"Well," Jack said, "this is fun."

The next two hours were spent mostly in silence; Jack took watch while the others slept and Teal'c had a much needed dose of Kel'no'reem. It had been twenty hours since they stepped through the gate, and twenty-three since they'd last slept. Carter and Jonas were out like a light, having trained themselves to snatch what precious moments of sleep they could find. But Jack's mind was on fire. Thinking of all possibilities, all options, any minute advantage that they could use to escape.

The intense silence that filled the room did not help to calm him; background noise – crickets and forest murmurs, or the humming of the SGC at work – could instantly soothe him, but this silence was far too loud. He couldn't even hear the approaching footsteps, so dense were the walls of their prison. When the door opened, the others woke instantly and Jack sprang to his feet, even as he was blinded by the sudden influx of light.

The leader of the group of Jaffa looked stoically around the room, until his gaze settled on Jonas. He raised his hand, pointing.

"Him."

Jonas sighed.

"It is your turn, Jonas. They say the first time's the hardest, so uh…"

"Thanks, Colonel," Jonas replied with a mock salute.

"Bye, Jonas," the others murmured.

Rough hands grabbed at him and hauled him through the door. The others barely even reacted.

"How excited do you think he is about his first time getting tortured?" Carter murmured.

When they were alone in the dark again, Jack turned in the direction of what he thought was Teal'c.

"Recognise them, T?"

"I am over here, O'Neill," said Teal'c's deep voice behind him. Jack reached out hesitantly and found a wall less than a foot in front of him. He frowned, and turned towards Teal'c's voice.

"So?"

"They bore the mark of Mafdet, goddess of justice and execution." There was a pause.

"It looked like a cat's paw."

"She was often depicted with the head of a cat."

"How do you know all this Egyptian stuff, Teal'c?" Carter asked.

"I have been reading some of Daniel Jackson's notes on the many deities of ancient Egypt. They have been most informative." Jack slowly sat down against the wall as Teal'c continued. Carter dropped down beside him. "Mafdet was also the goddess of venomous animals. It was said that she would appear if one is under attack from a poisonous snake—"

"How apt," Jack grumbled.

"I've never even heard of her," Carter said. "She can't be a major player with the System Lords. Maybe by capturing us she's looking for a way in?"

"She sure does know how to build a good cell though. We must be, what, 20 feet underground?"

"30 from what I can tell, sir."

"Hmm."

Their eyes had re-adjusted and they could see that Teal'c was running his hands over the walls.

"It's no use, Teal'c," Jack said, resigned. Teal'c ignored him. The others sat and watched him in silence until the group of Jaffa returned with Jonas. Carter might have moved an inch closer to Jack, but it was impossible to tell.

At the first sign of movement from the door, the prisoners shut their eyes so that they wouldn't be blinded again. When their eyes opened, they saw that two Jaffa had moved inside the cell to stand on either side of the doorway. They were holding the Goa'uld pain sticks instead of their staffs. More Jaffa were visible outside the door, these ones with staff weapons. The first prime then entered, half-dragging Jonas with him, before flinging the Kelownan to the floor. Carter crawled over to him and awkwardly helped him to roll onto his back. When she saw his face, she gasped. It was pale and lifeless; his eyes were severely bloodshot and his hair and skin were dripping wet as though he'd been submerged.

"Jonas?" Carter asked desperately. He blinked and coughed, bringing up more water. His hands were no longer bound and he gingerly pushed himself up, leaning against Carter for support.

"Still here," he croaked. Carter adjusted Jonas to make herself more comfortable.

"You look like shit," Jack said conversationally.

"Thanks, Colonel."

The first prime had been watching this disdainfully.

"Kree!" he exclaimed impatiently. Jack looked up at him.

"Do you mind? We're kinda having a moment here."

"Your insolence will be punished—" the Jaffa snarled.

"Oh, cut it out," Jack interrupted. "Just do what you came to do and get out of here. It must be my turn now…" He climbed to his feet, wincing at the protest from his knees. "Have you got a name, buddy? Or should I just call you snake-breath?"

"Not your best line," Jonas muttered. Jack kicked him absentmindedly.

The Jaffa drew himself up to his full height and said, "I am Tem'tarn, first prime of the goddess Mafdet. You will tell me what I want to know or suffer my wrath."

"Ooh, I'm so scared. I ain't telling you nothing, and neither's any of my team," Jack spat back at him. Tem'tarn raised an eyebrow.

"We shall see." He looked at the two guards and gestured towards Carter. "Take her."


	14. Chapter 14

_"We shall see." Tem'tarn looked at the two guards and gestured towards Carter. "Take her."_

Jack lunged forwards to try and stop them but was knocked back by a sharp blow to the head. He licked his lips and tasted blood. Sprawled on his back, he was now unable to stop the guards as they dragged Carter to her feet. While one held her in place, the other shepherded Teal'c to Jack and Jonas' corner of the cell, brandishing his pain stick menacingly. Jonas helped Jack to sit up.

Tem'tarn pointed his pain stick at Carter, but addressed Jack as he spoke.

"What is the sequence of numbers required to pass through your stargate unharmed?" Jack spat out a gob of blood and saliva and rolled his eyes.

"Look, Tim-Tam, I don't know who you think we are, but—" He was cut off abruptly by a sudden scream from Carter as Tem'tarn touched the pain stick to her abdomen. The energy and the pain within her were so great that they spilled out from her mouth, her eyes; too great for her body to bear. Jack could barely wrench his eyes away from her, even when Tem'tarn removed the pain stick and her body went limp.

"I ask you again," Tem'tarn repeated patiently, "what is the sequence of numbers?"

"Don't tell him, sir." Carter's voice was weak, but she raised her head to meet Jack's gaze.

"Carter…" His voice was a warning. It meant, _Don't be a hero_. Tem'tarn waited a few moments more and then touched the pain stick to her neck without warning. She cried out in agony and Jack tried instinctively to get to his feet and help her, but he was thrust backwards with a touch from the pain stick. He fell to his knees, unable to withstand it. But at least it meant that it wasn't on Carter anymore. When he looked back at her, the dirt on her cheeks was streaked with tears and she could barely contain a whimper. Jack physically ached with second-hand suffering and his inability to protect her. _You had one job, O'Neill,_ he thought despondently. _One job – keep her safe. And you can't even do that_.

Tem'tarn bent down to grasp Carter's face roughly in one hand, his nails digging into her skin.

"Perhaps you can tell me," he said quietly, menacingly. Forcing herself to open her eyes, she met the cold gaze of the Jaffa just inches from her, and spat in his face. Tem'tarn didn't flinch, but his mouth curled up in a snarl as he drew back his arm and struck her hard across the cheek. Teal'c instinctively grabbed Jack's arm, preventing him from trying to retaliate. He could see the veins pulsing wildly under Jack's skin. Tem'tarn straightened up.

"Kree, Jaffa!" The guards holding Carter released their grip and she collapsed unceremoniously in a heap on the floor. At the door, Tem'tarn paused and looked back.

"I will return later. If you tell me what I want to know, none of you will die. You would do well to consider my proposal – otherwise next time I will not be so… forgiving."

Teal'c kept his hand curled tightly around Jack's wrist until the door had closed behind the Jaffa and they were returned to the almost-black of their prison. Then, as one, the three of them rushed forwards to Carter, who seemed to be unconscious. Jack reached out to check her pulse with shaking fingers. It was weak, but… she was alive. Definitely alive. He let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, and moved aside as Teal'c pulled her into a sitting position leaning against his broad chest. Jonas had untied the bonds around Teal'c's wrists, and moved on to Jack and Carter.

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the unsteady rhythm of her breathing. Suddenly, they all tried to speak at once.

"We have to get out of here, how—"

"We obviously can't tell them—"

"Perhaps it would be best if—"

But they were interrupted by a soft whimper from Carter, and their attention was drawn instantly back to her.

"Sam?" Jonas said softly. Her eyes flickered but didn't quite open as her hand unconsciously found where Jack's had come to rest next to it. Jack kept his eyes resolutely locked on her face as he felt Teal'c's gaze drilling into him, and gave Carter's hand a squeeze.

"Carter? You okay?" he murmured. Her eyes finally opened blearily and settled on his face. Something in her eyes softened as she relaxed in his presence.

"'m okay, sir," she mumbled. Her strength began to return and she sat up a little straighter. Jack could see the battle that she was fighting just to stay conscious, and held her hand a little tighter.

"We're going to get out of here, okay? Just hang on. I won't let them hurt you again." Jack's voice was low and determined.

"I know, sir," Carter replied sleepily, her eyes unfocussing as they closed. After a few moments, Jonas spoke.

"Colonel, I don't know if she should—"

"Just let her rest, Jonas," Jack said softly as he extricated his hand from Carter's. Jonas looked uneasy, but didn't press the issue. Jack took off his jacket, rolled it up, and then gestured for Teal'c to lay Carter back down so that she could use it as a pillow. For several minutes, the only thing that moved was the flickering candle flame.

"How long do you think we've got 'til they come back?" Jack said at last. Teal'c shrugged.

"It is impossible to say, O'Neill. They will want to make us sweat… three days with no food or water will make people strangely compliant." Jack shuddered at the thought that all three of them knew that only too well, and took a deep breath.

"Right. We could be in this for the long haul, folks. Without food we'll need to conserve our strength, so… let's get some rest. Teal'c, you take first watch. Anyone remember where the door is?"

"I believe it is there, O'Neill," Teal'c said, pointing at a spot in the darkness.

"When they come back we'll make our move. Jonas, you help Carter. Teal'c, you and I…" He explained his hasty plan, and then moved into position next to where they hoped the door was with Teal'c. Jonas lay down close to Carter so that he could be ready and she could reach him if necessary. Within seconds, he and Jack had both fallen asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

_I would rather die myself than lose Carter_ …

Images swam in Jack's unconscious mind. He had been so close to death that day, as on so many other days, and would do it again and again if it meant keeping her safe. _I would rather die myself…_ _than put her through one millionth of what Ba'al did to me._ He would not let her be tortured again; he would kill the Jaffa who had threatened her.

The sound of Jonas' spluttering woke him. He was hunched over, still managing to cough up water so many hours later. Carter rubbed slow circles on his back as the last few drops dribbled over his chin.

"You doin' okay there, Jonas?"

Jonas gave a weak thumbs up in reply.

They were all feeling wide awake now, a few hours' rest enough to restore their energy. Jack ran through the plan one more time. _Elegant in its simplicity_ , he imagined Daniel saying. Rush the guards, take their weapons, fight their way out. Try and get a look at some of the technology Mafdet used to cloak Pastoria, Carter chimed in. Jack narrowed his eyes at her but didn't comment.

"So, Jonas, how's Nancy?" Carter said after a pause. Jack's eyebrows slowly raised as Jonas' cheeks flushed.

"Nancy, eh?"

It was difficult to keep track of time. It passed quickly while they chatted, laughing and joking as if over pizza and beer, but Carter estimated that another three hours must have gone by when Jack's stomach started rumbling. He became fidgety, restless.

"No one has an MRE hidden about their person, do they?"

"No, sir."

Jack shuddered.

"We gotta get out of here."

* * *

It was impossible to detect any signs of movement from outside their prison. The only way they knew that the guards were returning was the sudden influx of light, but SG1 were instantly on their feet. Jonas and Carter hung back as the two men rushed at the guards, taking them by surprise and knocking three of them down before they could say "Kree!". One of the remaining Jaffa lashed out at Jack with his pain stick and he fell, screaming.

"Hey!" The Jaffa holding the pain stick looked up, right into Carter's fist. Teal'c had already taken out the remaining guard, and was now gathering weapons from the prone bodies. Jonas held out his arm to help Jack up. On the ground, Tem'tarn stirred.

" _You._ " Jack snatched a pain stick out of Teal'c's hands and stabbed at Tem'tarn's chest. "You will never. Touch her. _Again._ "

"Sir!"

He turned and saw Carter's face, her eyes wide in indignant horror. The pain stick hovered over Tem'tarn's chest.

"Carter…" he growled, and she heard every word he didn't say.

"You're better than this," she murmured so that the others couldn't hear her. Her hand brushed against the arm holding the pain stick and he lowered it. "Thank you, sir," she breathed. Jack nodded, tight-lipped. Then suddenly he leaned down and punched Tem'tarn, knocking him unconscious and knocking several teeth out at the same time. They stood in silence for a moment until Jonas cleared his throat.

"Should we, uh, continue with the plan?"

Jack and Carter broke the intense gaze they were sharing. The remaining conscious Jaffa were herded into SG1's old cell, and Teal'c threw Tem'tarn's prone body in there after them.

* * *

Jack took point as they wound their way through the underground labyrinth, always searching for a way up. Guard postings were few, and were dealt with quickly and quietly so as not to alert any others who may be nearby. The air was dead, muffled, the soil sucking away sound before it could reverberate.

It felt like hours before they finally found a ring platform. Teal'c entered the code on the wall panel to ring them up, and then joined his team in defensive formation inside the rings. A look passed between Carter and Jack, as if they both were saying, ' _I'll look after you. We'll get out of here_.'

The Jaffa in the surface-level control room looked around in surprise as the rings materialised, but did not even have time to draw their weapons before they had been stunned by the Zat fire.

The room was otherwise empty, filled only with complex-looking control panels and accompanying screens that Carter gravitated towards, while the others checked for alternative exit routes. There was a second ring platform in a back room, but otherwise this building seemed to be as impregnable as their underground cell.

"The rings must lead to a Ha'tak. Presumably that is where Mafdet is positioned," Teal'c said.

"If she's up there, do you think she's watching us?" Jonas asked, looking worried.

"It is impossible to say, Jonas Quinn."

Carter tried to shake off the hand on her arm that was trying to drag her away from the panels and towards the rings.

"Please, sir, this might be where they control the shield and hologram technology from, like how they made the image of Pastoria. We could really use something like this to help defend Earth!"

"Jonas is right, Carter. Mafdet may already know that we've escaped, and even if she doesn't, it's only a matter of time. The only thing on our side is the element of surprise." Carter glared at him and didn't budge. Jack sighed. She was like Daniel in that respect – willing to risk her life for knowledge that they would never be able to use if they didn't make it out. It was the alien mecca, 'meaning-of-life-stuff' all over again. "Look, Carter, if we make it out of here, take down Mafdet and all her Jaffa, steal their mothership, and make it back to Earth in one piece, then I promise that we can come back and camp out here as long as you like." Her face brightened.

"You and me, sir, on a camping trip?" Jack feigned a grimace.

"If that's what it takes," he grumbled.

"It's a date. Deal!" She instantly corrected herself, eyes wide, going into panic mode. Jack's heart leapt at her Freudian slip, but put his hand on her back as he led her towards the rings.

"Deal."

Teal'c and Jonas were waiting for them. Carter entered the code and joined her boys with their backs all to each other, weapons raised.

"Once more unto the breach…"


	16. Chapter 16

Although they had the element of surprise, as soon as they emerged from the ring-room of the Ha'tak they were greeted by several confused and angry Jaffa. One managed to get off a shot from his staff weapon and hit Jonas' thigh. He stumbled and cried out. When all the Jaffa were taken out, the others lowered their zats and Carter caught Jonas before he hit the floor.

"We have to keep moving," Jack said, glancing at his wounded comrade.

"Will you be okay?" Sam murmured. Jonas grimaced but nodded, testing his leg. It hurt like anything, but was just a flesh wound. The heat from the staff blast had cauterised it, so at least there was minimal blood.

Teal'c took point now, being more familiar with the schematics of the Ha'tak, moving slower as Carter helped Jonas limp along behind him. They did not encounter many other Jaffa; Maf'det was too confident in her defences. There were two guards at the door to the pel'tak, but they made light work of them with zat fire. Jack cleared his throat and rapped smartly on the door. Carter rolled her eyes.

"What? It'd be rude to just barge in there."

The doors opened slowly, moving smoothly as though on hydraulics. Jonas stood up as straight as he could, grasping Carter's elbow as his only support. It would not do to appear weak.

"Anybody home?" The business ends of three staff weapons appeared in the space between the doors, but a deep, enhanced feminine voice from inside barked,

"Jaffa! Kree!"

The staff weapons were retracted and the Jaffa stood to attention flanking the entrance to the pel'tak. Jack sauntered in, finger still on the trigger of his zat gun, and tipped his cap to the Jaffa. Maf'det came into view, standing at the window with her hands clasped behind her back.

"Colonel O'Neill, I presume." As the doors closed behind SG1, she turned. She was dressed more modestly than most Goa'uld that they had come across. A full-length, long-sleeved, high-necked, black dress was tied tightly around her waist, and her austerely straight black hair and heavy eyeliner were more than a little reminiscent of the Addams family.

"And you must be Morticia," O'Neill replied. Carter bit her lip to hold back a grin.

"Maf'det," Maf'det corrected, not batting an eyelid.

"Whatever." He took a few steps forward and noticed that the Jaffa adjusted their grips on the staff weapons but did not raise them. A thought struck him. "Hey, nice cells you've got down there. Very dark. Very damp."

"No one has ever escaped from them before," Maf'det said slowly. "You are certainly living up to your reputation."

"So are you," Jack returned. "Very cloak-and-dagger, underground lair and all that. But all you snakes are exactly the same – no imagination whatsoever. You put all that work into luring us in with that hologram of Pastoria – kudos on that, by the way, Carter was very impressed – and then all you want are our iris codes? Please. I'm not buyin' it." Maf'det raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're very astute, Colonel."

"Well, it's been a long day. I'm kinda keen to just get your ass-kicking over with so we can head back home and get something to eat." Jonas nodded emphatically. Breakfast had been a long time ago.

There was a long pause as the two leaders eyed each other up.

"Very well," Maf'det said at length, and turned to address the Jaffa. "Jaffa, show our guests to their quarters." Back to Jack. "We will speak more once you are all rested and nourished."

The humans stood in stunned silence for a moment.

"This is a different tactic," Jack said.

"Guests?" asked Carter incredulously.

"How can I expect your cooperation if I don't treat you as equals? You have proven time and again that you cannot be broken. The fact that the other Goa'uld persist in this tactic shows, as you say, a lack of imagination. But enough talk. You must all be tired." She turned her back on them once again. Jack thought that if Carter raised her eyebrows any higher that they would disappear around the back of her head. He made eye contact with Teal'c, who shrugged imperceptibly. Jonas was too weak by now to have any input here; it was all he could do to remain upright and conscious.

The Jaffa gestured for them to leave.

"Goodnight!" Jack called back over his shoulder before the doors closed behind them. And then to his teammates, "What the hell is going on?" But the Jaffa who seemed to be in charge barked at him to be quiet.

More Jaffa had appeared outside the pel'tak to escort them. Jack and Teal'c were lead off in one direction by four Jaffa, while Carter and Jonas were taken in another by four more. While SG1 still had their weapons, all the Jaffa held primed zats and kept their fingers on the triggers. Jack shook his head slightly at Carter before she was lost from sight – don't attack. _Let's just see where this goes_.

The Jaffa allowed Carter to support Jonas, who by this point could barely stand. His face was pale and clammy. While he had not lost too much blood from the staff blast, the pain was unendurable, and his lungs had still not entirely recovered from the earlier waterboarding. They were taken to a ring platform that transported them to another level within the ship. There was no way of knowing exactly where they were, or where Jack and Teal'c were in relation.

Jonas collapsed onto the bed when they arrived at the guest quarters. One of the Jaffa produced a hand-held Goa'uld healing device and gave it to Carter, gesturing for her to approach Jonas. Still very confused about their current situation, she held her hands out first over Jonas' leg and then his chest, eyes clenched shut in concentration, channelling the energy through the device and into him. A sigh of relief escaped him, and Carter could already see some colour returning to his cheeks.

"Thanks, Sam."

"Get some sleep, Jonas. You need it," she said as the Jaffa began to usher her out of his room.

Her own was a hundred or so yards away. She was shown in and left without a word, the door closing with a snap behind her. Two Jaffa had remained outside Jonas' room standing guard, and she assumed the same would apply to her.

Carter surveyed her room for the night. It was modest, with a large bed, no windows, and a table with a large bowl of exotic looking fruit and a pitcher of water. What interested her most, however, was another door that led to a small bathroom. She rushed to it and gratefully relieved herself. While camping off-world and being in similar situations as their underground cell, it had been a matter of course that the team had had to do their business in front of one another, but it was still no one's favourite experience. Carter had been holding off for as long as she could in the dirt prison, and was so grateful for this small luxury that she forgot about her predicament for a moment.

Back in the bedroom, she took a long draught of water and inspected an item of fruit suspiciously before taking a tentative bite. It wasn't terrible, but tasted somewhere between pomegranate and parsley. She ate three.

There were no control panels anywhere in the room. It did not look as though the door could be opened from the inside. A brief inspection of the walls revealed no obvious surveillance devices.

Carter was puzzled – this was definitely not normal Goa'uld behaviour. But then the weight of the last day fell on her and all that mattered was that she had a soft, relatively safe bed for the night.

* * *

As much as Jack longed to fall asleep as easily as Carter had, he could not shake a sense of terror that had settled on him as soon as he had set foot in his comfortable-looking room. It may have been a far cry from a bare concrete cell controlled by an experimental gravity field, but being held by a Goa'uld in whatever capacity cut a little too close to home. He felt his chest constrict. Breath came in short gasps. He made it to the pitcher of water and poured half of it down his throat and the other half over his head. _Deep breaths. Getittogether_.

Ten minutes later, stripped down to his t-shirt and pants, Jack felt a little calmer. He even worked up the courage to try one of the pieces of 'fruit' (bad idea).

Although his heart was still beating so hard it was starting to hurt, he lay down on the bed, on top of the covers, and felt himself relax a little as his head hit the pillow; but every time he felt close to sleep, he jerked forcibly awake again, not knowing which way was up, expecting at any moment to see Jaffa above him, ready to take him again.


End file.
